i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Boobs speak an international language.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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