after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
