I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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