he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
