You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am mentally ready for anal.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
