dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
