girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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