my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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