My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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