i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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