My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
