I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
