Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
