Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
