At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
