Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
