I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
