I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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