...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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