Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
