Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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