those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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