question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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