Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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