I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
