I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
