where am i from again
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Drunk is not a location!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
