wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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