Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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