go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
