I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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