I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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