It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
