i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
