dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
