i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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