I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
