I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
