party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
