'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
