The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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