he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
