i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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