ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
