you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And then he peed in my hair
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