I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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