I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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