So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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