You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
