Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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