My room smells like vodka and shame
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just cropdusted the office
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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