So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
