brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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