Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He felt like a one man threesome
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
