I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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