The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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