woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
