Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
