God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
