yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize