Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Will you blow on my dice?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
