Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
