let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
