Who did Billy Mays play for?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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