Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
